I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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