everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
