If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
