Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
