I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
FUCK WHALES
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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