yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
