Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
