Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
