Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
