I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
