there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
