I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
