You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
