Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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