guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
