You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
