i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize