I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
