Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
