You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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