I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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