just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
