i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
