I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
