My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you will always have a special place in my vag
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
