i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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