new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
