You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
