woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
