We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
