You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Found the puke drawer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize