how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
