my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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