Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
