We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im part way to drunk.
I touched a dick in church today
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
