I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
