I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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