Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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