Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
