Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
