Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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