I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize