Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
