I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
