Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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