strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
