I just saw a hot homeless man
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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