Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize