we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize