I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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