hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
