Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who died my cat blue again?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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