paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
