She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
