I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
