i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize