No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
