One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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