We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
