Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
