So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
