I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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