$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
