i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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