I think my fart just growled at me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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