And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
