Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
