True but thats because hes a fetus.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
