Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this beer tastes like vomit already
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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