I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
