I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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