Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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