Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
