He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
