just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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