i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
